No book can teach you how to be a good parent. Everyone learns, from their own experiences as a child, and how their parents brought them up. Yet, it is very important to know that there are several things that differentiate a healthy child-parent relationship, from an abusive household. Keep in mind, that there is correct way of parenting. It all comes down to how well-mannered and decent your child turns out to be.
Strict or loving. Iron hand, or gloves, children should be nurtured. It should never be forgotten that they are malleable, and the horrors of the past would forever haunt them. It is very, very important that a child knows that they are wanted, loved, appreciated, and respected. Only then, would they turn out to be responsible citizens of the country.
- To Each Their Own
We are all responsible for our happiness. Just guilt-tripping the child, that happiness for him was a sacrifice on the parents, would be harmful, and scarring. No one wants to feel that they are a burden on someone, least of all a child, to whom his parents mean the world. Be sensitive, and realize that they depend on you. Don’t destroy their life, trying to satisfy your ego.
- Borders and margins.
You know what happens when a foreign country invades your country’s borders? War. Similarly, if you don’t want your child refusing to acknowledge or respect you, don’t invade their boundaries. Respect is everything in a relationship, and if you can’t uphold it, don’t be surprised if they don’t either. They learn from you, after all.
- Silence ain’t Bliss
Not always. A peaceful household is always appreciated, but not one, where tensions are running high and a Cold War is being waged. Talk, and solve your problems. Remember, you aren’t the child to pout and sit.
Spending on your child to give it a comfortable life is alright. Spending on your child, to compensate for your absence, is NOT. Be there for your child, or you would regret the moments you lost for the rest of your life. Money and gifts would only make them feel, that money solves all problems, and they would stop valuing real relationships.
- Parental Pressure.
“Be a doctor.” We have all heard this. But, what could be a simple aspiration of our parents wanting to see us successful, can also turn into something grotesque, which would involve them shoving their unfulfilled dreams through their kid, because hey, the scapegoat is ready. This leads to the mental degradation of a kid, and leads him to let go of his own desires, to fulfill his parents’.
- House of Rocks
Asking, rather enforcing the rule, to not show emotions, can emotionally stunt your child. Emotions and outbursts of them are an integral part of growing up. By asking a child not to show emotions, would result in them storing all of them inside themselves, which would lead them to believe that this was the way to reign in themselves, making them cold hearted.
No one likes someone hogging all the attention. Not even your child. They have a life too; a life where you are just a part and not the centre of it. They definitely love you, but that doesn’t in any way mean, that they would give up on everything, and be with you, regardless of the trouble it might put them in. You wouldn’t do it; why expect them to?